Success: Are You Setting the Bar, or Is Everyone Else?
Ever notice how we celebrate the “Big 3” milestones—getting the diploma, landing the corporate job, buying the nice house with the white picket fence? Yet here you are, maybe ditching that “safe” job (or considering it) and feeling guilty or uncertain if you don’t want the default life plan.
“Am I defining success on my terms, or am I influenced by external pressures?”
Ultimately, the goal is to strive for a life that's "yours"—not your parents', your peers', or society's version of what's admirable. It takes courage to redefine what success means to you, but that redefinition can lead to a much richer and more fulfilling life. Keep asking questions and remain open to what your heart genuinely yearns for.
Let’s talk about how to reclaim your definition of success so you’re not just living someone else’s script.
1. Ask Yourself: “Who Am I Trying to Impress?”
Identify the hidden pressures.
Parents? Society? The random cousin who always flexes on Facebook?
Sometimes we’re chasing status markers we never asked for (like the fancy title or corner office).
Quick exercise:
Write down your “goals” and then put a checkmark next to each one that feels like it’s truly yours, and an X next to anything that might be someone else’s dream. You’d be surprised how many of those X’s might turn up.
2. Clarify What Success Actually Means to You
A few potential definitions:
Lifestyle Freedom: Being able to wake up when you want, work in your PJs, and not have a panic attack every Sunday night.
Creative Fulfillment: Doing work that lights you up, whether it’s painting murals or innovating new tech solutions.
Impact: Contributing to a cause or community in a big way, maybe launching a social enterprise or mentoring new entrepreneurs.
Financial Independence: Sure, money matters, but what does enough look like to you? (Hint: It’s okay if your ideal is a simple life, or if you want to make billions—just be honest about it.)
Pick the top 2–3 that sing to your soul. If you end up listing everything, you might burn out by age 40 trying to be a digital nomad, nonprofit founder, influencer, and crypto mogul all at once.
3. Beware the Comparison Trap (“Keeping Up with the Insta-Joneses”)
With social media, it’s easy to think everyone but you is living their best life. Spoiler alert: They’re usually just curating the highlight reel.
Action Steps:
Limit your scroll time. Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes mess to someone else’s polished production.
Unfollow or mute accounts that consistently make you feel inadequate.
Follow creators who share real, honest insights about the ups and downs.
Remember: The time you spend envying someone else’s life is time you’re not spending building yours.
4. Define Micro-Successes
Corporate life often taught us to chase annual performance reviews or quarterly bonus checks. But now that you’re in charge, those old markers might not fit.
How to create your own:
Set mini-goals that excite you: “Complete my first podcast interview,” or “Land two new clients who align with my values.”
Celebrate small wins just as much as big ones: Did you finally launch your website? That’s a win—pop some (discount) champagne!
Tracking progress in bite-sized chunks keeps you motivated and combats the “I must achieve world domination overnight” mentality.
5. Distinguish Between Ambition and Approval-Seeking
Ambition is that healthy drive pushing you to improve, learn, and grow.
Approval-seeking is chasing external validation (like LinkedIn endorsements or dinner-party bragging rights).
Spot the difference:
If your main reason for hitting a milestone is to get praise or impress others, that’s approval-seeking territory.
If you’re genuinely excited about the process and outcomes, you’re probably in ambition land.
Pro Tip: Ask yourself, “Would I still do this if nobody else ever knew about it?” If the answer is “heck yes,” you’re onto something real.
6. Find Your North Star (Hint: It’s Not the Company Mission Statement)
When you were in corporate, maybe your goals aligned with the company’s mission—or you just nodded along.
Now it’s time to figure out your mission. Are you here to disrupt an industry, help a niche community, or create art that makes people smile? Whatever it is, name it clearly.
Examples:
“I want to make learning design accessible to small businesses that can’t afford big agencies.”
“I want to write stories that reflect underrepresented voices.”
“I want to create a personal brand around eco-friendly living.”
Your North Star should guide both your daily tasks and your long-term decisions.
7. Revisit and Revise Your Definition Often
Life changes. You change. Success can, and should, evolve. The goals you have in your 20s might shift in your 30s or 40s.
Ritual:
Every quarter or so, grab a journal and answer:
What does success look like for me right now?
What have I accomplished that no longer excites me?
What new direction or challenge is calling my name?
Remember, you don’t owe yesterday’s self anything if you’ve truly evolved.
8. Surround Yourself with “Success Rebels”
You’re not the only one pushing against the status quo. Find others forging their own paths—the people who might not have the fancy corporate title but are brimming with creativity, passion, and authenticity.
How to find them:
Join social media groups or Slack channels focused on unconventional careers or passion-driven entrepreneurship.
Attend local meetups for freelancers, remote workers, or creatives.
Start your own circle if you can’t find one. There’s strength in numbers—and sanity, too.
Final Word: Success Is a Feeling, Not Just a Checklist
If your achievements look great on paper but make you miserable inside, that’s a hollow kind of success. True success feels energizing, purposeful, and yes, sometimes challenging—but in a way that excites you instead of draining you.
Key Takeaway:
Defining success on your own terms isn’t an act of rebellion—it’s an act of self-respect. Align your daily grind with what genuinely fires you up. That’s when you’ll find a sense of freedom, fulfillment, and yes, real success.
Your Turn:
What’s one success metric you can throw out the window today (because it was never truly yours)? Post a comment or share with your accountability buddy—because once you let it go, you’ll have more room for the real goals that matter to you.
Go forth and define success your way!